Why some people fall out of love

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When we first fall in love, we tend to maintain a level of respect and kindness towards our partners, which connects us to our own loving feelings. But love isn’t just a feeling that comes and goes- it comes from this way of treating each other. 

The effect of loving and feeling loved is as powerful as being addicted to a drug like cocaine. When people fall in love, they experience a kind of pleasure unique and superior to most other kinds of pleasure. Yet, some people who were once in love still fall out of love. Here are some reasons some people may fall out of love. 

The conflation of sex with love

Love and sex do not necessarily have to go together. A man can have sex with numerous women without having the slightest affection for any of them. A woman can lay with different men without feeling in love. Also, it is possible to love someone without feeling like having sex with them. For example, you love your mom and dad, and will probably sacrifice a great deal for them. Yet, this affection has absolutely nothing to do with sex. 

While sex is a satisfaction of ‘sexual need’, which is no doubt essential, love is much deeper. Therefore, making sex a prerequisite for love tends to put undue stress on the relationship, and stress can cripple your ability to feel love. 

The longer you spend with someone, the less attractive they are likely to become

While it’s good to spend plenty of time with the person you love, you deserve to engage in other important activities, such as pursuing your life goals or working on a personal project. The person you love also needs to pursue their dreams and socialize with other people. When you spend less time with your partner, they seem just as attractive as they’ve always been day after day. When you spend more time with them, the attraction wanes. 

Your values change

As you grow older, your values are more likely to change, and so are the values of the one you love. When your values are becoming more and more different than those of your love interest, you may not enjoy the relationship as you used to, and a separation may result due to incompatibility. 

You see the person for who he/she is

Most people fell in love because they came across a person that met their superficial ideals. These people thought they had met their ideal partner. They were quick to judge by the person’s appearance, popularity, overt confidence, and wealth. But on getting into the relationship with these people, they soon realized that such qualities as tolerance, humility, integrity, patience, kindness, and knowledge were lacking. They never understood that these latter qualities are far more important than the superficial qualities they always looked out for. 

Most people who claim to have fallen in love at first sight are people who have been swept away by the superficial qualities of their love interest. And while these superficial qualities are to some extent relevant, they are the least important qualities a sensible person should look out for. Being in a relationship with an abusive, egotistic, intolerant, controlling, or demanding partner can crush whatever fantasy a person has been having, and this inevitably leads to falling out of love. This, of course, is a mistake most people make all the time. 

You realized you weren’t very compatible

Compatibility is real. If you are not compatible with someone, no matter how nice and loving they are, you are never going to enjoy that relationship. Two people with admirable qualities may find each other and still not fall in love with each other, simply because they are not compatible. If you are not comfortable with many of the things your love interest does, or if he/she is not comfortable with many of the things you do, although you care about them (but don’t think you can tolerate these things), then you are not compatible. That spark, that fire that connects you two together and makes you think about each other most of the time is compatibility.