Human beings have the capacity and tendency to feel and think. And while these feelings can be irrational sometimes, our thoughts can be shallow too. For example, we may make an angry outburst when it is inappropriate, or allow jealousy to consume us. Our value orientation can be flawed, our beliefs, delusional. For these reasons, human beings show imperfections and are not necessarily very good at judging personalities.
Now, some people may not like you because you are mean, snobbish, rude, or arrogant. In the same vein, they may not like you because you are physically unappealing, poor, unpopular, or intellectually retarded. Whatever the reason may be, some people don’t like you, not because you are repulsive, but because they find you repulsive. There’s a big difference between the two.
While Alex does not like to associate with Jane because she is physically unappealing, Rodney is crazy about her. To Alex, Jane is repulsive, but to Rodney, Jane is highly attractive. This is because human beings have preferences, tastes, and personal values. In other words, what you value in a person may be different from what another person values.
Some people don’t like you, not because you are not likable, but simply because they don’t find you likable. Some people may not find you likeable because they have their preferences and values. There are people who may find you likable because they are comfortable with who and how you are. No matter how hard you try to make certain people like you, if you do not possess those things they value, you are just another person wasting his or her time. So, it’s pointless trying to make other people like you.
Instead of trying to make other people like you, focus on liking other people. It is not a guarantee that they will like you back (and shouldn’t have to be), but do so because you know how it feels like to be treated insignificantly. This is called emotional maturity. Little minds think about what they get in return, great minds think about what difference they make. Stop trying to get attention, love, or popularity- instead, give it. Give it because you know how it feels like not to be given. Give it because life is too short and trivial. Give it because there’s nothing greater in this world. When you learn to give it, you’ll come to see that what makes some people unable to like you isn’t because there’s something wrong with you, but because they chose not to like you.
What many of us do not realize is that some people we see every day may have been through a lot of bad experiences. There is a reason they are bitter, anxious, insecure, or cautious. They may treat you badly, but that doesn’t mean they are bad people. Even I have had my moments of bitterness and arrogance, and have come to realize they were pointless. People may do bad things, but they are not necessarily bad people. Patience, respect, and showing them how valuable they are may help them turn their lives around. Therefore, do not focus on people liking you. Instead, focus on liking other people.