Who should you date/marry?

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Having intimate relationships and sharing in love can improve our mental and emotional wellbeing. Most of us, if not all, are biologically wired to seek love in friendship and romance. Many of us long to meet a person who may overwhelm us with unprecedented euphoria. We find ourselves easily drift towards the people we are attracted to, in the hope of having a long and lasting experience of constant, endless, perfect love. And while intimate relationships are supposed to bring about greater happiness in our lives, this is not often the case for so many people. In some countries where going through a divorce is not frowned at, we hear and read about numerous divorce cases, which render the statement, ‘until love do us part’ meaningless. In the early stages of relationships, people are easily infatuated and perhaps delusional. Their castles which have been built in the air soon come falling down to the ground due to gravity effect. They continue to experience unmet needs, endure countless disappointments, and stomach abuses. For these reasons, it is important to know who to date or marry.

The popular belief that relationships are unavoidably a mixture of excitement and frustrations is just plain toxic. You definitely deserve better, if of course, you are capable of showing utmost love and respect to your partner. While there’s never really a perfect person, it pays being in a relationship with someone who genuinely cares about you, respects you, values you, and is not afraid to show it. This person ought to enjoy spending time with you, check up on you, and show concern about your welfare. When a person genuinely loves you, rather than want to use you for their selfish purposes, you should be able to tell from the way they treat you and how consistently they do so. However, if you want to be loved by someone who is genuine, honest, and caring, you must endeavor to be a genuine, honest, and caring person too; remember that such person also deserves the best.

People are different. Some people are more compassionate, understanding, welcoming, and serene than others. Similarly, some people are more impatient, egotistic, self-centred, and irresponsible than others. In other words, people have different personalities, which are usually difficult to change. This is not to say that people will not change over time; that, of course, should never be depended on. If you want to start a romantic or marital relationship, you must consider the personality of who you want to be involved with. Here are four things you should look out for before starting such a relationship.

Compatibility issues

Compatibility means sharing similar interests, values, perspectives, goals, and dreams. While compatibility does not necessarily have to be 100%, it should be damn close to it for a relationship to be fulfilling and enjoyable. There’s no doubt that we find more to talk about and reasons to spend time with one another if we share similar values and interests. Spending time with people who do not share our interests and values can be mentally draining and may lead to clashes of ideas we are not prepared to deal with.

Level of tolerance

The healthiest way to start a romantic relationship is to start by being a friend. Never make out-of-the-ordinary sacrifices for someone you think you love if you are not sure that you can tolerate them. In friendship, you get to see a lot of things you may like and may not like. If you are irritated by several things this person does, can you tolerate them? If you can’t tolerate them, then you shouldn’t be in a romantic relationship with such person. Dating someone whose actions can be infuriating will only get you angry, cranky, and easily disturbed. You will find that you are more unhappy than happy in such relationship.

Integrity

Date someone who is neither dishonest nor deceitful. A dishonest person will cheat on you, lie to you, manipulate you, and make you look like a fool. This is not what you deserve, especially if you are a genuinely loving person. Once you see any shady behaviour, that should be a red flag.

Strength of character

Everyone believes he or she deserves love, and perhaps they do. However, it is difficult to love someone who lacks strength of character. A person with strong character has goals, strives to achieve those goals, believes in himself/herself, makes intelligent decisions, and plans for himself/herself and family. A person without present and future plans is like a ship sailing to drown. People with strong characters may not be very successful, but they are fighters who do everything in their power to achieve a better life for themselves and the people they care about. They take responsibilities for their actions, and do not sit back doing nothing, hoping that chance would favor them. People who lack strength of character believe they deserve to be loved, but scarcely any intelligent person has the time to engage in ‘any’ relationship with such people.