When kindness becomes self-destructive

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Kindness is the product of empathy, concern, and care for other people. In prescriptive (or normative) ethics, it is considered an important individual and societal goal, which should be sought by all mankind. In fact, most human societies extol this virtue. Anyone who is unkind is easily considered a cruel and evil person. Without kindness, the human world will be akin to the animal kingdom, which is guided by the implicit rule of ‘kill or be killed’. Human rights would be abused, the weak would be oppressed, the poor would be victimized, and the lowly would be crushed. And while kindness makes the world safer, less corrosive, and more secure to dwell in, overly shown kindness can be self-destructive. 

It’s always a nice thing to lend a hand to somebody who is experiencing hardship, having struggles, or is in a dire state of need. However, historical stories and statistics have shown that kind-hearted people, if not very careful, can be mired in the problems of other people. Like an infection and a deadly disease, other people’s problems may go on to precipitate their adversities, misfortunes, downfall, and demise. History has shown that some people have problems that are so deep and complex that they will require a great deal of their time and resources to solve. And trying to help simplify such people’s lives will not only be a struggle, but also make their (the benefactors’) lives miserable. To put it another way, your level of kindness to other people must be limited. You shouldn’t focus on saving other people from their immense problems, by directing all or most of your time, money, and resources to their affair. You show ‘healthy’ kindness when you give your own quota without endangering your life and future. 

It is undeniable that many of us are inclined to believe that everyone can succeed, experience the best life, become great, make a difference in this world, and so on. And quite frankly, we can all be winners. We can succeed, experience the best life, achieve greatness, and make a difference in the world. However, the unshakeable reality is that only a very few people will get to experience this empyreal life. Not everyone will succeed, and worse, extremely few people will make a difference in the world. While every single human being on the planet has what it takes to be great, not every one of them will be great. Most people will live very ordinary lives, while very few people will live extraordinary lives. It is kind of you to believe that other people have what it takes to achieve greatness, but it will be stupid of you to expect and invest a considerable amount of time and resources in trying to make other people achieve greatness. Even if other people may be able to achieve greatness through your effort and endless support, the cost of helping them may far outweigh the benefits derived, and you may suffer immensely for it. 

Achieving great success or making a positive difference in the world depends on several factors, which include a naturally wired brain to show superior perseverance, resolve, courage, and self-control, external factors such as one’s family, environment, upbringing, and values, and of course, one’s belief system. While some of these qualities are inborn, which thus support the fact that people who actually possess them are destined for greatness, the rest of these qualities may have actually been developed as a result of life experiences. It takes a person with the right natural brain chemistry and the ideal responses to life experiences to tap into their ‘peculiarity spot’ and stand out from the overwhelming majority of mankind. The few people who have been outstanding, exceptional, and prominent in the world seem to be naturally destined to achieve what they’ve come to achieve because they possess the perfect brain chemistry and are exposed to the most beneficial life experiences and life opportunities. 

People who possess the right qualities to achieve great success in life will inevitably achieve it. Even when they are downhearted, they are naturally driven by perseverance and resolve, in such an intense manner that it distinguishes them from the majority of human beings. These people have unique behaviors that set them apart from most people. Their exceedingly impressive determination, concentration, and desire to achieve is unusual and virtually unparalleled. If you do not support or assist these people, they will achieve their goals regardless, because they will go out of their way to ensure that their goals become their reality. In the absence of opportunities, they look for opportunities. They scarcely need your encouragement because they have an inner inspiration whose fire is never extinguished. These people are problem-solvers and seem destined to excel. 

Constantly reminding other people to concentrate on meaningful goals, work hard and work smart, be positive, etc. may have little or no effect in their lives if they lack the essential qualities to achieve great success. However, few people among these numerous people may benefit from your kind encouragement. And it may be difficult to tell who among them will benefit from this kind action. Therefore, it is important that you show kindness to all; but your kindness must be limited because you must also be kind to yourself.  

Don’t get immersed in the problems of needy people; they will always need. In fact, most needy people are wired to always be in need. Many of them do not take responsibilities for their lives and refuse to make the right choices. While they appear to be in lack, they may beg for your kindness and empathy. They may even try to manipulate you for their own selfish interest. But don’t get entrapped. These people are simply looking for how to satisfy their insatiable neediness. And anyone who is capable of meeting their needs becomes their prey. They are like a parasite to your life, whose desire is to satisfy their insatiable wants and needs, without any concern for your welfare, safety, and security. They don’t care if you are dealing with some problems or having a hard time. They always tend to be in need, and expect you to be a savior. This is when kindness becomes self-destructive.