Marriage is a wonderful thing. It is also something a person must not take lightly. The moment you enter a marriage, you enter a new phase of life; it becomes a duty. As a man, it is your duty to take care of your wife and kids. This is why the meaning of two as one is that a man and a woman will leave their families and everything to become one. The truth about marriage, which many people do not still understand, is that you will have to place lesser priority on other events and relationships to help develop the members of your new family.
This goes to show that you now have an obligation. Even if it is not fun dealing with this obligation, an obligation is an obligation and you must never abdicate your duty. You can’t afford to bail out on your kids. That would be the most insensitive thing to do. Where there are children, the parents must endure much more to provide for them. The good thing is, if you marry the suitable person, you will enjoy your marriage.
It is not wise to rush into marriage. Do not be consumed by infatuations and delusions, without considering the basic requirements for marriage. Are you financially capable to get married? Are you ready to get married? Are you getting married because you are dazzled by the reputation you will earn by getting married to this man or woman? Are you forced to get married? Are you getting married because you pity your spouse? Do you know your spouse well enough?
Before you get married, ensure that your spouse’s attitude to career, to spending, to having kids, to sex, to religion, to social issues, and to political issues are consistent with yours. This will help both of you to be agreeable and to be at peace with one another. If you want to have kids, but your boyfriend or girlfriend does not want to have kids, the time to do something about it is before you get married. Compatible partners agree on most things and compromise on few things.
One very important requirement in marriage is presence. Your spouse needs to feel your contribution to their lives; it shouldn’t just be one-sided. While they are encouraging you, you are also encouraging them. You’ve got to be with your spouse from time to time, doing things together, sharing ideas, eating together, dancing, seeing movies, making funny jokes, and playing indoor games. It’s your duty to bring joy to your significant other, and their duty to bring joy to you.
One of the reasons you should get married is to spend wonderful time with your spouse. Your spouse emotionally needs your presence and connection. Spend both quality and quantity time with your spouse. Talk to your spouse. Communication matters a lot; it is an ingredient of a healthy relationship. Share ideas with your spouse, share your worries, your fears, your desires, your experiences, your mistakes, your dislikes, and your wishes. Connect with them on the deepest level.
We all want to be accepted and valued in this world, and that doesn’t seem forthcoming because of the kind of world we live in. Majority of suicide cases are associated with feeling worthless and seeing life as pointless. We all have a need to communicate with one another, and your spouse provides that opportunity because of the love and acceptance you have for one another. For instance, I will be happy to communicate with my wife if I know that she loves, respects, and accepts me.
You will also be able to do likewise if she does not feel that you are trying to judge her and mold her into your ideals. She will be happy to talk to you and be open to you, without having to think that she is a shameful, worthless person. It sometimes feels like a terrible idea revealing one’s woes to other people (which is why we have our spouses to share with). Other people will not only perceive one as pitifully unfortunate, but they will also have something bad to gossip about.
When there is presence and there is communication, this equals commitment. When you are committed to a relationship, you want it to work. You are sure that you want to marry this girl or boy and she or he is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Commitment is your ‘duty’. When you come into marriage, you come to reduce time spent with friends and spend more time with your wife and children. You don’t have to do away with your friends; you just have to spend lesser time with them.
Both couples must be totally committed. If only one person is committed, the relationship may not be healthy for the committed partner because it takes two to work. It will seem that one person is loving in vain, while the other person shows his/her lack of interest. If you are not ready to be faithful in or committed to a relationship, then you shouldn’t formalize it to begin with.
Whether you are going to be disappointed or not, it is decent to stay committed to your chosen monogamous relationship. If two people like and respect each other, the relationship can endure indefinitely. The ability to like and respect your spouse also depends on the ability to like and respect yourself. If you do not like yourself very much, you may not be able to like your spouse. And the reason you do not like your spouse could be that you do not like yourself very much.