Is self-sufficiency good in a relationship?

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A romantic relationship is a decision to share with one another; love in a romantic relationship is essentially about interdependence. You want to give your time, attention, support, and affection. You also want to be given time, attention, support, and affection by your significant other. If you are self-sufficient and you want to start a romantic relationship, you are bound to come off as being selfish and uncaring. Your partner needs your commitment and care in the relationship. Communication and active participation are some of the expectations in a relationship. Once these things are lacking, the relationship ceases to be fulfilling and meaningful. 

Self-sufficiency, ordinarily, is a good thing, because it means you can be comfortable and satisfied with being by yourself. However, it is selfish and wicked to go into a relationship with such intention. It is advisable to have the capacity to be self-sufficient, because that skill is very essential to cope in life, especially when you are alone. However, you may also need to be willing to be vulnerable, to share, and to actively participate in another person’s life if you want to be in a fulfilling relationship. Being self-sufficient and not giving a part of yourself leads to leaving your significant other unfulfilled and unsatisfied. 

People who choose to be self-sufficient in relationships are known to have avoidant-attachment personality. Poor character traits associated with this are selfishness, self-centeredness, and arrogance. These people may have any one or more of these perspectives.

  • I don’t need anyone’s suggestions. I am confident in what I know
  • I need more space. Other people are demanding too much of my time and attention. 
  • My independence is more important to me than relationships
  • I never get jealous, even if my partner is flirting with others. 
  • I can walk away from a break-up easily and satisfactorily. 
  • I can make it on my own; I don’t need the help of anyone. 
  • I don’t have to apologize to my partner; they can go if they want. 
  • I don’t need anyone; I have little tolerance for your bullshit. 

The problem with people who hold such perspectives as these is that they don’t give their partners the satisfaction of having great value and worth in their lives. Everybody wants to feel loved and valued. In fact, feeling loved is one of the major sources of satisfaction and positive health in the human world. Depriving other people of this because you think you don’t need them or because you think they are of little worth to you is both denigrating and unfair, and no one likes it. 

A relationship can grow if both partners understand that they need one another; and that they are willing to support one another to satisfy these various needs. Healthy relationships are built on the fact that each person’s needs are considered, and each person’s needs are valued. Self-sufficiency is important if you are not in a relationship, because then your self-respect will be intact. But in a relationship, you are not allowed to be shitty to your partner, because their needs also count.