How to love yourself

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It is indeed quite difficult to vaporize/get rid of our emotional insecurities. Yet, as long as they are there, we don’t get to love ourselves enough. This is because the experiences of low self-esteem and low self-confidence are far more ingrained in our psyche, and much stronger, than we think. Like anxiety and problems of addiction, emotional insecurities cannot be overcome through a wave of a magical wand. It takes time, concentration, and perseverance. It is, however, a bit disturbing to realize that our ability to love ourselves largely depends on our level of self-esteem and self-worth. 

To experience maximum satisfaction and happiness in life, we must start by loving ourselves. Loving yourself begins with accepting yourself. Acceptance means being comfortable with your strengths and weaknesses, abilities and deficiencies, accomplishments and failures, while still making endless effort to improve your life. Acceptance is not an excuse to resist progressive change. On the contrary, it is the ability to look into the mirror and say to yourself, “I love who and what I am, I know I am not perfect, but I am comfortable with it. I acknowledge my strengths and weaknesses, and I strive to become a better person. But I will always be a valuable, significant, and worthwhile person, irrespective of what and who I am”. 

When you love yourself, you don’t see yourself as fixing a deficiency or weakness. Instead, you see yourself evolve into a more developed version of you. You understand that the only essence for improvement is to fill up the time we have left in this world (while delighting in your transformation), and not because you are flawed. You don’t see yourself as having a problem; you see yourself as passing through an endless process of transcendence. In other words, you do not have a problem to be ashamed of; you are becoming a greater version of yourself. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with you; you are perfect the way you are. 

Loving yourself means you may choose not to improve your lot, still you remain valuable and wonderful as you are. The major reason we have to focus on improving ourselves is because that is what life is all about. Time exists for self-improvement and therefore gives us an opportunity to make a difference in our lifetime. You are in an endless journey to experience the best version of you. When you love yourself, you don’t punish yourself over the mistakes you make. You understand that you are a work in progress, and you know that a great future awaits you.   

Avoid people who diminish you. People who label you negatively, belittle you, or expect you to be ashamed should be avoided at all cost. Surround yourself with people who value, respect, and encourage you. Do not mingle with people who think your short-temper, impatience, stammering, etc. make you an inadequate and unworthy human being. Negative labels tend to increase our insecurities, bring down our self-esteem, and lower the quality of our lives. Instead, associate with people who, despite your flaws and deficiencies, accept and respect you unconditionally, seeing the good in you, and treating you with great value and importance. 

Don’t dwell on other people’s destructive criticisms. Think about your hard-earned achievements and virtues. Think well of yourself. Dwell on the positive qualities you have. Treat yourself the same way you would want someone who loves you to do. Pay attention to how you talk about yourself. Say positive things to yourself. Avoid negative remarks that only serve to diminish your self-worth and self-esteem. 

See yourself as a unique, remarkable person. You are one of a kind (perhaps everyone else is, but what matters here is that you are). You exist to do something great in this world, unique and peculiar to just you. Your existence is vital; if you didn’t exist, perhaps some creativities and innovations would not be unleashed. Regardless of your weaknesses, flaws, and past experiences, your existence is essential. 

One major reason we do not love ourselves is that we have become accustomed to having negative thoughts about ourselves. This is because we are always trying so hard to live up to other people’s standards or expectations, in such a way that they become our standards/expectations. You should never focus on meeting the standards that are being set by those around, simply because those around you are not always right, nor are they always considerate.