It’s normal to admire other people, to look up to them, to desire what they have, to wish to be like them, or to respect them for what they have done; these are ways we appreciate other human beings. Many of us have a natural appreciation for the popular musicians, actors, and comedians on our TV screens, as well as the senior prefect or head teacher of our schools.
A crush, however is different. A crush is an attraction (for intimacy) you have towards another person you don’t really know. It is a strong desire to have an intimate relationship with another human being, or a strong sexual attraction to someone you obsess about. A crush is not the same as an admiration. When you admire a person, you appreciate what they can do or what qualities they have, and wish you possessed them. You are more likely to want for yourself that which you admire. However, you are more likely to want for yourself he/she who you have a crush on. We admire possessions and qualities because we desire those possessions and qualities. However, we crush on other people because we want them in our lives.
We crush for the same reason we desire sex. The human brain has been naturally wired to desire comfort and drift away from discomfort. By our very nature, we want more pleasure, and will engage in activities that will bring us pleasure. For example, we will procrastinate, watch TV, play video games, smoke to relieve anxiety, drink beer, gamble to make more money, eat, sleep, and have sex because they bring pleasure. We may even have a penchant for reading enjoyable story books, but drift away from those highly complex academic books for the same reason.
Studies have shown that crushing on someone produces the same pleasure effect as watching pornography. Attraction is perfectly natural, as it secretes a pleasure hormone ‘dopamine’ in your brain. It is this same ‘dopamine’ that is secreted in the brain when one is addicted to drug. And just as difficult as it is for a drug addict to overcome his or her addiction, or a porn addict to overcome his or her addiction, the same happens with crushing on someone.
Maybe you are in a happy relationship, married with children, or about to get married, it is very possible to have crush on several people, because that is how the brain works. The limbic system, where the dopamine secretion takes place is the same for most mammals; including dogs. But dogs lack cortex, which is the reasoning and logical faculty that humans have. Because of our cortex, we have the power to control ourselves from doing anything stupid when we have crushes. So how do you get over a crush?
The techniques to be applied when getting over a crush are the same as those that you must apply when trying to manage an addiction; crushing, after all, is very similar to an addiction. So these are some ways you can get over a crush
Do not yield to the desire
This can be very uncomfortable to do. Imagine a drug addict having a strong craving for marijuana, but exercising his will-power in an effort to desist from taking it. Most drug-addicts who want to change do this, but they sometimes find that they don’t win the fight. Their desires sometimes overpower them, and then they relapse after prior relapse. However, the point is that you simply make an addiction stronger the more you yield to it. Yielding to an addiction more and more is called reinforcement; and reinforcement means strengthening. When you have a crush, try to avoid the object of your crush by all means. If he or she studies in the classroom, move to the library. If he or she is in JETS club, join another club. Trying to avoid coming in contact with your crush will, overtime, help you concentrate effectively on your work, and free you from whatever negative impact crushing can have on you. Choosing to avoid feeding your desires also helps improve self-control; and self-control makes you a better manager of your addiction.
Spend time with friends
Spending some time with friends will help take your mind off your crush, or at least minimize it. This is only logical. When you are idle and on your own, you suddenly begin to crave excitement or euphoria. This could lead to reaching that cocaine, drinking that beer in the fridge, playing that really nice video game, watching that mind-blowing movie, or obsessing over your crush. By spending time with friends, this reduces the tendency of obsessing over your crush.
Develop your hobby
Perhaps, you love composing music, writing articles, playing sport, or helping children out, whatever it is you love doing, you can engage in it more, with the aim of getting better at it. When your mind is busy improving a hobby or striving to accomplish a meaningful goal, you are abler to manage your crush-feelings. More so, you are supposed to concentrate effectively of meaningful activities. Therefore, if you discover that you are not concentrating as you ought to, this should make you understand that crushing is bad for you. Anything that deters you from concentrating on a meaningful course is bad for you.
Find a distraction
One way of minimizing the power of an addiction within a period of time is finding another addiction. This, of course, only works for that period of time you are engaging in the other addiction. When you are idle, you may fall back to crushing again. For example, if you discover that you can’t stop obsessing over someone, go to your television set and watch a nice movie, or go, play a game of chess, or play a sport you enjoy. While you are at these activities, you feel less obsessed with your crush, and guess what- you also improve your abilities in these activities.