Dealing with Haters

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Haters are people who neither encourage us to succeed nor speak highly of us. On the contrary, they diminish us, and attempt to make us think that we cannot amount to much in life. Therefore, why do most people have the tendency to diminish us, instead of making an effort to uplift us? 

What indeed is the root cause of hate; why do we hate? Naturally, we hate anything that causes us suffering. For example, we are not overly fond of a very hot day, a very cold day, or a stormy day. In the same way, we dislike it when other people disrespect us, cheat us, or use us solely for their selfish interests. Whatever causes us pain or unhappiness, we hate it. Just as it hurts sticking needles into an open wound, it hurts being shamed, ridiculed, rejected, maligned, or diminished. 

Remember, we hate being diminished and humiliated. Therefore, whenever we think that somebody else is trying to diminish us, directly or indirectly, we suffer because of it. And by our very nature, we despise it when those who make us suffer get away with it. In other words, every one of us has the natural proclivity to be vengeful. This explains why we feel the urge to fight back when somebody punches our face, and the impulse to diminish another, via spiteful gossiping, when they oppress us. 

Owing to the natural proclivity to esteem ourselves, we inadvertently diminish our neighbours, and this usually results in hate. Esteeming yourself, therefore, diminishes another, and the diminished is not only reminded of his or her failures, misfortunes and deficiencies, but also has a tendency to believe that his or her failures make him or her insignificant and worthless. The prideful one is then considered consciously oppressive and victimizing, self-centred and arrogant, and by extension, a source of suffering to others. Feeling deflated and attacked, other people may take to vengeance. And with the desire for vengeance comes ill-will. 

Haters do not uplift other people; they simply tear them down 

We are also bound to resent those who ridicule us, abuse us, physically attack us, starve us, and persecute us. Our resentment towards these people grows as their undesirable actions towards us continue. As we remain constantly subjected to their oppressions, our desire for vengeance simmers. If we cannot confront our oppressors directly because they are stronger than us, we look for other means to make them suffer. We certainly won’t let them get away with letting us suffer. 

More so, when we are not treated with equal value and respect as some people, we are quickly reminded of our failures and deficiencies, and may think that we are less valued and respected because of these perceived failures or deficiencies; we feel diminished and unwanted. Consequently, frustration, low self-esteem, envy, anger, and resentment are felt. These, therefore, negatively impact our ability to uplift other people and delight in their success stories. 

So, what can we learn from all these? There will always be people who resent you, no matter how humble you are. Inadvertently, your successes and privileges in life will remind other people of how unsuccessful and unprivileged they are, and they will find ways to diminish you. They will diminish you and speak unkindly about you and to you because you make them feel like they are a failure and disgrace. They will rather diminish you than have to accept that they are inferior to you; their ego won’t let them. Unpleasant revelations about you will simply give them more reasons to gloat over you; more reasons to prove that they are superior to you. Since your happiness and success are a slap to their faces, they prefer to see you unhappy and unsuccessful because they are not exactly happy in their lives.   

How can one stop being a hater?

Hating is a part of human nature simply because we are competitive beings by nature, and everyone cannot be triumphant in the quest to stand out. There’s no genuine fulfilment in being like everybody else; the satisfaction comes from being different and being at least a notch higher. In our quest to get to the top, we will scorn those who are seemingly superior to us and think lowly of those who are seemingly inferior. And while there are people who look morally upright, decent, kind, and humane, they, like everybody else, enjoy the feeling of being outstanding. 

If you care a lot about your family and close friends, surely you will not hate that they are making progress and achieving success because they are a significant part of your life. And if you derive fulfilment from making other people better-off, because you deem it to be the purpose of your life or because it is a commandment associated with the religion you practice, your ability to hate will be significantly low. Such quest to make so many people better-off can be self-punishing, although it is also quite selfless and humane. Realizing that everyone can and should shine brightly and quite differently can also make you more accommodating of other people’s success and happiness. You can celebrate them because you believe that they, as much as you, are supposed to be celebrities. 

Everyone has a tendency to be a hater, especially when they realize that other people are not exactly supportive and loving. Angelic and benevolent people believe that other people can and should accomplish great goals in their lives; because they, as much as everybody else, ought to be great achievers. In addition to this, purposeful people are too preoccupied with their purposeful endeavours to find time to hate. Due to their sense of urgency and determination to accomplish set-goals, they tend to be buried in their quest to accomplish their objectives; too buried to hate on other people. They want their loved ones to be successful and make strides, and are not reluctant to share their encouragement and support with other people if they find the time to do so. Preoccupation with one’s goal, and the courage to persevere therefore makes an intelligent person less of a hater than others.