Dealing with break-up

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Break-up in a relationship is tough, especially for those who invested so much in the relationship. The degree of pain from a break-up (in a mathematical sense) is of a linear nature, and therefore can be said to be a dependent variable upon other factors such as the level of sacrifices that one makes to sustain the relationship, the level of future plans that one has for the relationship, and the risks that one took in favour of the other person. The higher any of these independent factors (or variables) are, the greater will be the pain from a break-up, and vice versa. Therefore, break-up in a relationship hurts most when you valued the relationship more than the other person. 

When you experience a break-up, it’s as though different emotions are blending right inside of you. Frustration surfaces because you did your best to sustain the relationship. Anger surfaces because you feel betrayed and unappreciated. An overwhelming feeling of hatred surfaces because you feel you have been used and manipulated. You feel stupid because you gave a significant part of yourself to (made a lot of sacrifices for) the other person. You also feel stupid because you sacrificed your self-respect just to please another. You feel jealousy and indignation because somebody else, who isn’t putting in as much effort as you, gets their attention. And then you feel attachment, well because you are still attached. 

Break-ups, while they can be very painful, are actually very common. People break-up for various reasons, some of which include incompatibility, selfishness, infidelity, personality differences, ingratitude, and lack of trust, among others. However, once you experience a break-up, listed below are three ways you can cope with it. 

Learn from the relationship

A break-up is not the end of your life. On the contrary, it’s the beginning of another life. It provides you with a golden opportunity to make better decisions, change certain toxic behaviours that might have been exhibited by you in the course of the relationship, and of course, avoid certain toxic people you shouldn’t be involved with. A break-up may have resulted from your poor management of the relationship, in connection with your behavioural dispositions. It may have also resulted from certain incompatibility issues. Therefore, every break-up allows you to learn about yourself, about life, and about the kinds of people you should avoid getting into a relationship with. 

Focus on your goals

A break-up is always difficult to cope with. But by focusing on your goal, the bitter and draining effect of the break-up will be minimized. You will also be adding value to your life by so doing. You will find that you are effectively utilizing the available time, money, and energy you have left to develop yourself, instead of throwing them away because you are depressed. Therefore, focus on your business, academic, professional, career, or self-developmental goals to get your mind off this distress, and to make a meaningful difference in your life. 

Start anew

Try to move on and never look back. If the relationship is over, then that chapter of your life is closed. You have a brand new opportunity to start a new adventure. So cut off any contact you have with your ex, and clear away any reminder. Don’t prolong the pain and frustration; you deserve to move on. This does not mean you hate your ex. This simply means that you have decided to bury the past and start a brand new life. Believe that there are wonderful opportunities out there, and a brighter and more fulfilling relationship with bountiful joy lies ahead.